Flat Irons Make Tyra Smize

Consider this photo of former supermodel/current Oprah-in-the-making Tyra Banks. She looks happy, yes? “Of course!” you may reply. “She’s smiling!” Ah, dear reader, you are wrong; Tyra is doing so much more than merely smiling in this picture. Tyra is clearly smizing. And why? Because she has access to the best flat irons money can buy - and, therefore, her hair looks absolutely glorious when straightened.

What is “smizing,” you ask? I am appalled by your ignorance, reader! Have you not seen every episode of every season of America’s Next Top Model through cycle 13? Because that’s when Tyra, in all of her divine wisdom, coined the term “smize” to refer to what is perhaps her all-time favorite modeling trick: Smiling with her eyes. If you’re skeptical about the efficacy of this particular maneuver, simply cover the lower half of Ty-Ty’s face with your hand. Her eyes still look happy, right? Mon dieu, the smize has spoken!

But enough about that; it’s time to get to the bottom of the real key to Tyra’s beauty: Her hair. If you want her lovely straight hair for yourself, all you need is a flat iron and some shine serum. Start by parting your hair down the middle. Then, grab your flat iron. (If you don’t have one yet, make sure you buy one with ceramic or tourmaline plates. The best flat irons are made with these materials, rather than metal.) Divide your hair into smaller sections and straighten one by one. Finish with your shine serum. Boom! It’s enough to make a grown man smize.